Not Again
by jayniepowers
Summary: Ellie hates being alone, and when Joel's gone longer than expected, she starts to get paranoid. (My first fanfic, so don't judge)


"Shouldn't they be back by now?"

"Sometimes it takes a couple days longer than expected. Don't worry about it." Tommy could hear the anxiety in Ellie's voice.

The militia group, which Joel was in, went out looking for supplies every now and then. Normally they were only gone for about a week, but it had been 10 days since they left.

"Okay..." Ellie responded, trying to calm herself down, but failing miserably. "I'm gonna head home."

"Alright. See ya tomorrow." Tommy replied, knowing he couldn't say anything to make Ellie feel better.

"See ya."

Ellie returned home a few minutes later. She hated being home alone. Well, she hated being alone in general, but it was even worse in an empty old house. Ellie tried to distract herself by reading that new comic book she found last week, but she couldn't focus on it. She was too paranoid about where Joel was and what he was doing.

 _What if he's dead?_

 _Stop doing this, Ellie, he's fine._

 _What if he's hurt and he needs my help?_

 _He's not. He'll be back soon._

She thought back to the last time she thought she lost him. How much it scared her and how she couldn't go through that again. What happened when she was on her own. What would've happened if he hadn't showed up when he did. Her thoughts brought back memories of winter, which she hadn't thought about for a while. She sat on the couch lost in thought for hours until she fell asleep in the middle of the night.

Ellie woke up with a jolt to someone knocking on the door. At least it interrupted the nightmare she was having. She got up off the couch and opened the door to see Maria.

"Ellie? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?" Ellie said, kind of yawning in the middle of her sentence.

"I was wondering where you were. It's getting kind of late in the day."

"Oh shit- sorry, I had a hard time falling asleep last night."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Maria could tell that Ellie was definitely not okay just by looking at her face.

"Yeah. Is there anything I can help out with?"

"Why don't you take the day off? You've been so helpful, I think you deserve it."

"Are you sure?" Ellie was embarrassed since she could tell that Maria knew she was upset.

"Of course. If you need anything we're just right down the street."

"Alright. Thank you."

"See ya."

"Bye." Ellie shut the door and leaned against it. "Jesus, I'm a mess." She said to herself, still feeling embarrassed. All that she wanted was for Joel to come home and make her feel better, but she wasn't really sure if that was even going to happen.

Maria returned to the dam after she checked on Ellie. She walked over to where Tommy was standing.

"Hey."

"You find Ellie?" Tommy asked, knowing if anything happened to Ellie while he was gone, Joel would kill him.

"Yeah, she was at home. Was asleep before I showed up. She seemed upset."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She said she had a hard time sleeping. Poor thing's seen too much."

"Shit."

"I know. I feel bad for leaving her alone."

"I'll check on her in a bit. I'm sure she's okay." Tommy said, knowing how tough Ellie is and could be, while trying to make Maria feel better.

A couple hours later, Tommy knocked on their front door. But after several knocks, no one answered.

"Ellie?" Still no answer. He gave up on knocking and opened the door. He didn't see Ellie in the living room, so he went up the stairs and also saw that she wasn't in her room. Tommy was about to leave the house and look somewhere else when he heard a quiet snoring from the end of the hall. He turned around and saw Ellie passed out in Joel's bed, all cuddled up in the covers and a smile took over his face.

Over the past few months that Joel and Ellie have lived in Jackson, Tommy noticed how much they really cared about each other. He liked Ellie too. She was a sweet girl, even though she tried to act tough, and Tommy loved those moments where she would put that front away. It was good to be 'Uncle Tommy' again.

Ellie woke up from her nap and did her usual stretch and yawn. That was the best sleep she had gotten in the past week. The bed smelled like Joel, and it made her feel safe and calm. Ellie noticed that there was a piece of paper on the nightstand which definitely wasn't there earlier. She picked it up and couldn't stop the blush that appeared on her cheeks.

 _Ellie-_

 _You should come over to Maria and I's tonight for dinner if you're feeling up to it. If not, we hope you feel better and if there's anything you need just let us know._

 _-Tommy_

Ellie looked out the window and saw that it must have been late at night, and at this point and it was too late for dinner, even though she was super hungry. She decided to go on a walk around the neighborhood to keep herself distracted. She loved how peaceful and quiet it was at night. She loved how all she could really hear were the calming sounds of the river off in the distance, and there was no one around to break the peace.

While she was walking, she thought back to the quarantine zone. How different it was from this and how people were so much happier here.

 _Man, Riley would've loved this._

She thought about her best friend almost every day, hoping that Riley would be proud of her, wherever she was.

Ellie walked around the neighborhood several times before she decided to go back home.

Ellie went to the power plant in the morning, trying to be somewhat helpful in any way she could be.

"Hey Maria, is there anything I can do to help out today?" Ellie always felt like she was a burden to the people around her if she wasn't being productive, even though she was certainly not in the mood for anything, really.

"Ummm... not over here. Why don't you ask Tommy, he's on the other side of the plant."

"Alright. See ya later."

"Bye."

She saw that in order to get across she had to walk past the town douchebags, Mark and Neil. Once she got in the room where they were sitting, she walked as far away from them as possible, hoping they wouldn't talk to her.

"Hey kid! You tryna avoid us?" Mark yelled across the room.

"I'm not in the mood for your bullshit, Mark." Ellie said, continuing to walk.

"Aw, is someone cranky?" He was always trying to get a rise out of Ellie, and it took all of her will power not to kick his ass.

"Leave me alone."

"I bet it's cause she misses her old man, isn't it?"

"You sad he ain't around to perv on you like always?" Neil said, as both him and Mark started laughing.

 _You motherfucker._

That was it. Ellie lost it. Any frustration she's been holding in was gonna come loose. Even though Joel normally protected her, she also felt very protective of him. She turned around and walked as fast as she could in a straight line to where they were sitting. They were still laughing and once she got to them, Ellie punched Neil in the face so hard he fell backwards in his chair. She immediately pulled out her switchblade and put her foot on his neck as he was laying on the ground.

Mark stood up to pull Ellie off of him but was interrupted when she pointed her knife at him and yelled, "Back the fuck up!" He followed her orders and watched in silence, shocked by Ellie's strength.

She crouched down putting more pressure on his neck and held her blade up to his face.

Neil started to try to squirm his way out from underneath her, but stopped when Ellie said, "Move and the knife is going in your fucking eye.

"Now you listen and you listen good," Ellie started on her rant, "your dumbass probably couldn't even comprehend a fraction of the shit that both he, and I, have been through." -this was probably true- "So if I ever hear you talking shit about him, or me, or anyone, it'll be the last fucking thing you do. We clear?" Neil stared at her face in both fear and just pure shock. "Are we fucking clear!?" She said a bit louder, and got somewhat of a nod from Neil.

Ellie got up and stormed out of the room. She didn't care that people were staring at her as she stomped her way home. That was close to the angriest she's ever been. She was sick of those assholes constantly taunting her and pretty much everything else.

She slammed the front door and locked it, knowing Tommy or Maria would be coming to see what was up with her soon.

Ellie hated being alone. She hated having no one to talk to. Sure, she had Tommy and Maria, but she wasn't very close to either of them. I mean, she's only lived in Jackson for a few months, she hasn't really had time to connect with either of them.

She stomped up to her room and slammed that door too. She buried her face in her pillow and screamed. Ellie had so much more frustration that she needed to let out before she really lost her shit.

And man, she had a lot of frustration bottled up.

Especially from when they first got to Jackson.

She was so mad at him. She didn't think she could've been more upset. This was her chance to save everyone. So no one had to go through losing someone to infection, like she had so many times.

She was mostly motivated by Riley at first, but she was still really uncertain about the whole thing. But after Tess, she could see right through Joel's front. Ellie could see how much he really cared for Tess, and she didn't want him, or anyone to have to feel that pain of losing someone due to infection again. After Tess died Ellie decided that she would do anything to get this cure.

And then Joel took that away from her.

She knew he was lying from when he first told her. Especially after she confronted him about it again. Neither of them never mentioned it after that conversation. She knew that Joel was lying and he knew that she could tell. It was awkward for a few weeks after they first arrived in Jackson. But once it stopped being weird, Ellie knew she made the right choice by staying with him. She realized that he probably only lied because he loved her, and he wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for good reason. But the frustration of not knowing what really happened back at the hospital haunted her.

Even though she was so annoyed with the lie, Ellie couldn't stand the thought of not being with him. Now that she knew how much he cared about her, just the thought of him not coming back broke her heart.

After she screamed a few times her frustration took a less angry turn and she started crying. Mark was right. She does miss her old man. She wants him to magically appear and make everything okay, like he's done before.

A few minutes later she heard the inevitable knock on the door.

"Leave me alone!" She yelled from her bedroom, her voice kind of cracking from the crying.

"C'mon Ellie, open up!" Maria pleaded from the porch.

"Please, just leave me alone!" Maria stood there for 20 minutes until she gave in to Ellie's stubbornness and left.

About an hour later, Ellie was relaxed on the couch reading, trying to ignore what happened earlier. Ellie knew she would probably have to talk to someone about it and apologize, which she wasn't in the mood for today.

She heard another knock on the door and rolled her eyes, trying to avoid other people for as long as she possibly could.

"Ellie, it's me." She realized that wasn't Tommy or Maria's voice, and immediately jumped up to go answer the door.

She opened it and there he was, magically appearing once again. Ellie felt tears start to form in her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Joel asked, and Ellie came forward and hugged him, catching him off guard.

"I didn't think you were coming back." She said while crying, in a sad voice that made Joel's heart break.

"Oh, baby girl." He said as he squeezed her a little tighter, "I'm sorry."

A little bit later he let go of her embrace and cradled her face with one of his hands.

"I'm not going anywhere, okay?" Joel said in a soft voice Ellie's only heard a few times, staring into her eyes. Without her needing to outright tell him, he could sense her fear of abandonment. Joel loves her more than she could ever know and it hurt him to know that she thought he would come anywhere close to leaving her.

However many times he told her that he wouldn't leave, it wasn't enough to cure her fear. But as long as Joel was by her side, she felt safe and happy. And for her, it sucked knowing that he would probably die before she did. But after winter, Ellie decided that she was going to savor every moment she had with him, because there's no way that she would take the love that they shared for granted. Not like she did before with Riley.

Not again.


End file.
